I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
