After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
