My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
