Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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