I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize