All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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