her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
