God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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