He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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