it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
My vagina is officially offended.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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