i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
