Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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