Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
