Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
