hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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