We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
