Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
