GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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