the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
