I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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