All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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