I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
