There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
