Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
