I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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