it's too hot outside to masturbate.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
