dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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