Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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