Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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