...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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