I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I believe in your delicious
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
