your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
