i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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