nut hugger
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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