I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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