just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize