Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
