My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize