Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize