You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
