She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
