you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
