she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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