I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
