Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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