I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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