why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
