I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
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What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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