video games are the ultimate cock blocker
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
