i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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