So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
YAS. BRING CRAB.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
