Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
