you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
