got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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