I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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