It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
