I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
