I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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