I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
