i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
